Saturday, April 5, 2008

how to bring back a smile on a face that has hurt you



i am wading through an unchartered territory, with shaky legs and unsure thoughts and confused emotions.

often people hurt each other and more often it is unintentionally. its only that, later when they realise what they did, they find it easier to reason their action than to gracefully say sorry.

luckily or unluckily, i havent found anybody, who can hurt anybody else intentionally. even a pickpocketeer, who steals, does so for his food. he has no intention of hurting u. probably they have been trained not to look at the humane side of the story.

anyways, thats not why am i here, writing this post. because, whther people hurt others intentionally or not, it pains.

and in such cases, the person who has wronged feels the pain more, out of subconscious pang or whatever. i dont know. so what do we do to bring smile to these people.

what i usually suggest is ( why i dont do is, nobody has ever hurt me. or probably i am too thick skinned that i never realised that they tried hurting me. whatever.) if we can go back to the person and tell them . for example - hey u have been a great friend all along and u r still my great friend and u will remain my great friend. u really deserve a hug!!!

thats all. nothing more.

and i realise, probably i should have written this five years or so ago. because munnabhai has already a term for this -

jaddu ki jappi......


ohhhh....am i blabbering

hugzz

25 comments:

abhaymittal said...

hey nice post...bt u knw i need to be convinced...i mean i mwishing this cud happen wid me..bt that doesnt sound realistic..or m being too pessimistic..guide me!

vanilla sky said...

well , a simple sorry or a smile can do wonders

pandian chelliah said...

@abymittal - the proof pudding is in the eating. just try once....cheers
@vanilla - indeed....:)
thanks

Deepz said...

hmmm..never think of asking 2 things
1. Sorry
2.Thank you

this puts or brings back smiles on every face..

SRT said...

have a try once..to see for yourselves......

Unknown said...

Be reasonable, understand the importance of reason.
The Individual chooses his rational lines(Hid dharma) and devotes himself towards his reason, and acts accordingly with the reason (Karma). The nature and righteousness of reason decides the summation result of his actions(yoga) in noway an individual can deny the results of his actions he has to bear it be it happiness or sorrow, success or defeat(bhoga).

pandian chelliah said...

@dragon, sriraj - indeed. indeed. thanks for the comments
@ dear diva - heart has its reason of which reason knows nothing - pascal
:)

CRD said...

sorry no offence meant man..but mebbe i'd feel like a foll if i did tht. and mebbe the person i'd do that to would feel the same [:p]

do u really think its worth a try?

pandian chelliah said...

@dear crd - indeed its worth a try. do u remember the scene in lage raho munnabhai, where one guys spits on the door and the other person just cleans it with a smile. well thats how this works.....but i belive people are better than that...just once would do

Lena said...

we tend to hurt people who are the closest to us but then they are the only ones we would not want to lose, so sometimes giving a hug, saying sorry even if you dont feel guilty is really worth it. but then it might happen that the other person will take it as a normal thing and will not learn the lesson and will continue to abandon you and your warm feelings...

pandian chelliah said...

i strongly belive.....love is always repaid in love.....

poornima said...

aww
u know wat?
sometimes there really is no such thing as ego..
i'm known to be completely shameless with the ppl i really love..
at the risk of soundin foolish, i agree wid u :):)

Sreetama said...

Hugs! :) But when u r terribly hurt, u really dont remember these things. U r lucky enough not to get hurt. But I have. Inspite of that, I love my best friend who has been there with me for 10 yrs. I tell her how much I love, care & miss her. Give her hugs & mwahs everyday. I'm sure she loves me too but I love her more. I've forgiven her & I feel good! :D

Anonymous said...

if it happened a long time ago a simple gesture will do..maybe the other person is just waiting for you to make the first step :)

MY THOUGHTS!! said...

hey nice post!

but smtimes it not so easy! i give u an example.......one person i used to consider one of my closest friend suddenly for reason unknown to me used a common friend as a messenger to tell me that he does not wishes to talk to me nemre!

i was not hurt that i wasnt given a reason! mayb he really dint want to hurt me with reasons.....but wat hurt me most was that he needed a third person to tell me that! he knew me so well nd was aware that i wud prefer it the other way. also that no ques wud be asked .......ever.

now can i go give him a hug n say u were a gr8 friend.........coz frankly i dun think so

smtimes a sorry is not enough...........
but yet i agree that its important to not always hold the grudge! in some cases u have to go the third way.......ie just let it go! forget if u cant forgive! cause we only hurt ourselves more!

but still very nice thots u are a person with good heart! :)

pandian chelliah said...

now can i go give him a hug n say u were a gr8 friend.........

wish u had just done that and responded.....its not too late...call him, ask him for a cup of tea...and tell him, what u just told me. i know i am no agony aunt ( uncle) just....
tell him, u were hurt....that u used a third person to tell me so....
just try....
i am leaving a hug with u.....and if u do as i say and indeed things turn up for good, return my hug....untill then let it be with u....
hugzs

MY THOUGHTS!! said...

:) thanks but i guess i wont......

i let go long ago
and now if i mend it.......i knw it will all good and gr8.....but i probably wont be able to respect and trust him as i used to and being friends without trust is.......its just wrong! i wud be cheatin him!

i can forgive but forget...........

Anonymous said...

nice post. I do agree with you.

Anonymous said...

i wsih i could b thick skinned.
but i guess i m not meant for it :(
they will hurt and i will get hurt!

Robin Lelani said...

Great post. I dig your work.
Robminx
www.robminx.wordpress.com
www.robminx.blogspot.com

philly5113 said...

My grandmother used to say, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions". As you say, sometime the hurt is unintentional but one have to correct a wrong if it happens and especially if it wasnt intended. If the hurt happens, its because of an action/inaction. We have to be mindful and live the commandment, do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
An important post.
Thanks

baili said...

hi liked you blog so much and have an blog award for you if you like accept it ,god bless you

Himesha said...

Nice post..Really awesome..thanks

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